Pure insanity

Pure insanity,
mind confused cause no one seems to help me
Tear drops flowing from my eyes,
take this rain please
and give me the sunshine to make me believe
that everything will be alright
It feels like my head is going to explode
with all these thoughts i keep withholding
Some people might not believe me
and even might call me crazy
but I'm just trying to get thru this so let me
Be myself, even if its not the norm
Not knowing whether this cruse is my deform
But i will stay in this rainstorm,
and let these precious drops hit me once more
Dragging me down under my platform

After Love

Body and soul detach as you loose control
Now your all alone, with no one to consol,
Your feelings, believeing you have it all under control
But after love hits, you feel your life is in a hellhole
Wrapped up in so much turmorall, you sink deeper into that hole
Trying to be strong and trying to still enroll
Into the life cycle, that has you by the armhold
Trying to defer you from all of your goals
Provoking many actions, that goes without someone asking
Causing re-occurrences of visions that you keep on battleing
Fighting with the soul, as you try to keep a hold
To the connection you once had,but now you lost you sense of controll
Sumblimmal notions that stir up so much commotion
Having you linking up daily routines like it was your potion
As you need to find a way to keep hold of those emotions
You intoxicate yourself into believing its not misfortune
As it worsens, you see the plot thicken
Leaving behind the one and only mission
To find a way to carry on and leave everything were it belongs
And not to dwell on the past
So now you find help on that one and only friend
Who was there for you in thick and thin
Now finding your self thinking of them in a different way
Not knowing if they have the same feelings to display
But you keep them close anyway, Waiting for that call every single day
Just a few mintues to see what they may say,
To ask about your day
Maybe even to say i am on the way
So we can hang out and convey many messages
With no discretion,
Maybe to show some affection
So this is my Testament, sometimes it makes me sick
To feel this way, but i layed out all the evidence
So all that i just ask is you read this and write me back
Maybe we can finally have a conversation that will both make us glad

Coming back for you

With the words in veins
I speak about why I feel this way
Long nights thinking about ways I can change this thing
In actuality it could have been better then today
Only thing that makes feel happy is you anyway
This is for you word all made for you
Feelings depicting how I feel I was made for you
Basically I knew it was all a clue
Just waiting for that day I came back to you
Misery love pain
Just let me take my way
Just let me ease back up and say it many ways
This is all truth, this is what I been thru
But fucking its time for me to come back for you

Many ways to say those words you dreamed of
Many ways to shower you with so much love
But fact of it's I hold you way above
Every other person I meet just let me show you my love
Hold you tight at nights you feel the feeling right
Why push back when everything feel so right
Cause its all right you just got off a plane flight
You called I listened yeah girl I will miss you alright
Long night just wasting up time
Long nights that just pass right by
What the fuck happened to that guy?
What the hell is wrong with this guy?
Why the fuck he ain't that guy?
Sorry boo, I had to take some time too
Some shit made me reason what I didn't do
No pressure, just ease when I was with you
I am coming back, Yeah girl I am ready for you

When I come back you might have a heart attack
With feelings that overwhelm you, i can't pullback
From the way i really feel
This feeling is all so real
I forgot about that month so what's up, what's the fucking deal
Yeah girl I mean it WHATS THE FUCKING DEAL
Why are we acting all shady and all concealed?
With emotions we both know that we should reveal
Think it's about the time we act surreal
I am tired of all these mind games and bullshit
I am tired of this nonsense I seen shit
Kind of feels like it was all a myth
How we meet and ended I can't even believe this shit
But girl I am sorry for the shit I did to you
Just give me some time to say this all to you
Cause it was meant for you, it was lived for you
Time again i keep saying I REALLY LOVE YOU
Over and over again, these the words I see in visions
Mind closed shut are you really listening
Fact of the matter is I said what I had to say
Now its time for you to say 3 words o.k.

Pain and Joy

Is it with the joy, how I cry so much pain
Is it with the pain, I want joy everyday
Is with the games, I see lies come my way
While I go thru lines, joy and pain guides my way

With a whole arsenal of words, I breathe thru my lungs
While I walk thru the shadows, I see the daemons come run
While I am trying to find my place, I see the angles have already sung
Then I see that my life, have already begun
So late, I wish I knew what happen son
Times past so fast, I wish I have choose to spoken
All those words that come from above
And all those words to become, the godson
Lets cry, and forget about those bad times
Speak wide and relish all those downtimes
In a lifetime you only see few spring times
A few sunny days, and a few dark times
In the meantime you move on your way and walk high
Get on your way, there is no need for wartime
All that fighting and getting no peacetime
Pain comes in three, but the joy is right beside
Inflected with the wounds of joy that's on your mind
Pierced with the thorns that's all in your spine
No cries,no yells, no one can hear my poem lie
Down words for healing, all you need is some time
Then I will predict what is left for I
With the stories that some people seem to comply
Time flies by and I can see all my outcries
But the Joy will over come all the pain inside

Fantasies

Vivid pictures that paint morals in my mind
Leaving clues, like Da Vinci for me to find
Laying out my paths that need to be redesign
These of many fantasies I have all confined

No one can make me fall, Running with my head up
No can make me crawl, Cause I am all fed up
With all the nonsense, and that bad gossip
So many things, causing me to go and backup
I seen those dark nights, under those starlight’s
I seen those highlights, seeking for a rewrite
I’ve seen those weeknights that seemed to be foresight
Wrapped up in a ball, I can see thru my eyesight
Depictions of all my wrongs, Things that should carry on
Feeling so home alone, Cries can fear my last songs
So many places, seems that I will never belong
This is how I feel, going thru this all yearlong
Cause when I close my eyes, my soul to keep
I see these vivid pictures of Fantasy I do believe
Guide me thru these nights that I do fear in sleep
All these words bring deathly ways unto you and me

Vivid pictures that paint morals in my mind
Leaving clues, like Da Vinci for me to find
Laying out my paths that need to be redesign
These of many fantasies I have all confined

When my eyes come wide open, I hope they do stay focus
20/20 vision, hoping to see my own opus
Traveling on my way, incline to stay unbroken
Body of steal, mind of water, clear and so knowing
Knowing what I have to do, to stay ease and calm
Showing how I move, to stay the one at tall
Seeing over everyone one, even if it’s near or far
Seems like I have the world, all imprinted in my palm
Shall I be the one that can defend them all?
Should I be the one to get the daemons all involved?
Should I call on the angles so help dissolve
All the trials and tribulations when people get involved
With many ways there dreams provide the call
For them to walk this way and carry on
Locked up in worlds, can’t see the bigger scar
Fantasies, morals, deceit, but the pain carries on

Shine

Is it my time to shine?
Is it my time to ask why?
Think with your mind and make question rise
Stay back on your grind cause that’s all you try
You go thru the valleys when the trouble surely rise
Don't ask the question, cause soon time subsides
Then you will see the only reason why
You go thru the troubles that come many times
Try to educate your mind with all of these lines
Can I really speak this now?
Can I really make a sound?
Silentness is a virtue so say it with a sound
Never keep your mouth close open it twice as loud
Trying to make a vivid picture show right now
Try to make your mind find the questions inside
Cause there comes may times, you can't find out why
The problems and troubles have no answers for I
So I go back inside and write many lines
Bring pain to my name
Bring things I didn't say
Waiting for the time for me to walk away
But will I be ok? With all the things I say?
I Wont wait for my shine to go away

One Day

Is one day hard to ask for?
Just 24 hours not a minute more
Just to be in the same place as you
Don’t even have to speak to you
Should silent-ness be so blessed?
Cause its really you not weed that relieves my stress
But it seems that one-day will never come
Just cause I wanted to call you my one
Not the serious one, just the one to speak of
Just one day to see your smile
Having no reason to make me frown
Can just be myself
Not one of another self
But all has gone
Mistakes have been brought on
But still one day for all
Having a place to call home
Nothing else seems so soft and calm
Not it's twelve O one
A new day has just begun

Misguided Truth

Pain food for my brain thinking in many ways
Speeding down i-35 what am I going to say?
To you when I get to that house were you
Are sitting out side just smoking your blacks to
Sitting on the phone talking away to that person I learned to despise all because of you
Making me wish that you found out the clue
The tears that I hid in side don't be misconstrued
Really didn't get to talk to you how I wanted to
But I did get to give you that letter boo
This is all for you, just a little preview
Of what can happen if you only believe and proceed with what is true

A Reason

They say its just nonsense
The way i feel it's in competences
Only way out is to die but that’s the obvious
But y must i feel this way
Y can’t i just be a normal guy and move on my way
Its it ok to listen to everyday talk
Knowing that u think to much put u on a space walk
Got u day dreaming looking at the clock
Seems the only ya to stop this is to sit in a cellblock
Is it my fault that I never ever thought to talk?
Knowing that people might look at me strangely and flock
Look at my life its filled with many roadblocks
Spreads all over like the tail of a peacock
So dark so emotional but i can’t cry
Think i'm depleted of all the water that should be inside
Only think left is the pain no glory for I
So down, some times i just want to take my life
But I know that just my mind playing tricks on me
All i want is for it to let me be
Let me see things i wanted to see
Let me figure out a way to get thru these with ease
They say we only use 10% of our brain
What would happen if u used 100% everyday?
Would that be the reason for me to go insane?
I have to find the reason that makes me feel this way

What its really worth

Is this what life should be about
The pain and glory each tries to get out
Tossing and turning lonesome nights trying to find out
The pain one person sent you thru
The glory one person gave to you
But why must things end like this too
No place to lay your head down
Always got a frown because you’re down
No true way to get back up and turn around
Were words in the music eases your pain
Of Things you cant well explain
Things that make you think in many awkward ways
But will ever thing be ok?
The mind tricks, mind games, confession, deceiving
What is one person to do when everything could be a lie?
Were everything that happened is planned by other people
Was every way out provoked by true evil?
Making you think that the devil can walk on earth and deal so much pain
Questions going thru you head over and over
Were is my glory? Were is my story?
Can this all be a story
Can all this is make believe?
Only one way to find out, just go thru it
What worst can happen?
Were it seems you seen and felt all
What can a few more tries hurt
A few more backstabbing just to see what its really worth

Fears

With a pen a paper u write your vision
Contradiction these words, divine intervention
Predicting your turn, deja vu all over again
What the fuck is wrong with me, what the fuck happened
In actuality these words make me cringe
From all the pain, asking were the glory will begin
Mind unstable, trembling for avenge
Just give me a reason to seek my revenge
Some people say I write so dark
This is all I know cause my mind fell apart
Used to be all cool, used to be that dude
But Personality changed up so now I am all misconstrued
Day to day life ain't what it used to be
Going thru it one at a time it’s getting used to me
Scriptural notions, visual potions
We only use a little of it so why all this co-motion
Might have to lock me up in a crazy house
Might have to call and let the shrinks come out
I need help, maybe just a little timeout
Hurry up for I do something and turn my lights-out
But let me slow down I don’t really mean that
Let me take a breather I don’t need to combat
Just need someone to comeback
Only thing I need is a little chitchat
Time will tell how this will all end
Might be for real or all pretend
But I don’t get it, why is this shit here
Taking over my life making me see many fears

Unwritten

I decipher code that paints a weary picture in my mind
why I'm i trying to be that good ol guy
That guy thats going thru these hard ol times
Wondering why he must go these things all the time
Trying to provide for myself cause no one dealt
the Things that i deal cause no one felt
the Things that kept me up at night things i spelted
Finding ways to get out these tunnels were i was kepted
Yes dog i have all these emotions inside
Trying to find a way to release this without a cry
But sometimes things just don't seem right
Mind games, trickery make u crazy at night
I'll take flight and leave this shit all behind
Cause to much thinking is a waste of time
Making u contemplate things you once tried
But just leave all that nonsense all behind
In fact take it with the paper and pen
Don't try to keep all that darkness within
Write down all the feelings you have cringed
Maybe one day people will know were you been
Before I'm done with this vision of this shit I'm living
These vivid pictures that are all contradiction
Trying to figure out my main decision
Just know theres always things that can't be written 

Holla At your boy

Just holla at your boy when you need some loving
Long nights, with soft touching, maybe even cuddling
We can do it the hard way or the easy way
Maybe even her way, I can hit with the foreplay

Just holla at your boy, I am always on call
Hit me up, I will show u what I can do, don't be appalled
Show you how a real man will go long
Keep you wanting more and moaning all-nightlong
We can do it missionary style, or doggy style
Damn girl your so wild, making me want to go down
Don't know what you like but we will figure it out
We got all night; I will work your lungs out
Scratches on my back, damn girl you're loud
Putting pillows over your mouth to ease that sound
Before everyone comes knocking, voices in the background
Having them saying DAMN and leaving all spellbound
Stepping out the bed, cause your feeling thirsty
Every step you make, saying, "Damn that boy is worthy"
Worthy of the mission, to please your desires
Moving in and slow, both of us transpires
Transcending words, sounding like a choir
Just holla at your boy to get your body rewired

In a nutshell

Thru the hardship and the pain
With the blood pumping out my veins
Actions that seem to be preordained
All I want is the truth, so don't try to refrain
From what you kept in so long, let yourself explain
There's many ways you can start your says
Spoken notation or writing a long essay
What's ever easy for you to portray
And explain why you talk and feel this way
Only time will tell
If its chosen destiny or its all make up like a tall tell
Facts that remain intact, that teach you well
This is the story of my life wrap in a nutshell

Panophobia

In many ways, it seems I am filled with Philophobia
The fear of love, and maybe Gynephobia
That women you loved seems to have Melanophobia
Looking at you reminds her of her Noctiphobia
Good ol times diminished because Mnemophobia
Oneirophobia justifies your Insomnia
Tossing and turn over then things you haven’t done
Things are not the same, something must been miss-done
Misguided but these words will carry me thru
All hardships cause Logophobia is not for you
Caligynephobia, you see them walk pass you
But not a word, or a peak, you stand without a clue
Dipsophobia that’s also not for you
Using the fluid cause you have Phronemophobia to
Trying to keep occupied, drowning yourself with vodka
tonic stew
But what should you do when no one is kissing you
Were that one special person seems to have
Philemaphobia to
It seems that nothing will be made for you
No laughter, Geliphobia induce
Seems I fear everything, Panophobia is all I knew 

Extra-Terrestrial

They say I might be different
Say what you may, I couldn't get it
I been myself so long wrapped in my only pigment
That's makes feeling like a mutant
But they can say it anyway, cause its all just a misjudgment
Maybe I am an alien..
Souring up high over the world, kinda like I was a raven
So what can I say then..
I seen everything, I seen everyone, I been many places
But its seems I am in a prison..
Locked up under the ground all alone in a dark and gloomy dungeon
I feel like a orphan..
No one is with me, I am feeling like I was forgotten
There calling me the devil..
Cause the way I think is vindictive so how can I be an angel
I am not even evil..
So why must all these people have to turn their faces and act hostile
These people seem not to feel me
Telepathic like ET
Extra-Terrestrial

Maintain my soul

It sorta feels like I am just losing
With all this abusing
This is getting confusing
Please god help me end this right now and keep on moving
Wipe away my tears and stop me from producing
All this pain and let me have a good conclusion
Every thing used to be all-fine
Lets turn back the time
And let me see that one last sunshine
When everything back then all fell in line
It seems something is messed up with my lifeline
..Its has been broken, so why provoke this
Something must have happened, but it was unknowing
But back to this time, I can feel both of my eyes
Run over with all these emotion that I have inside
Used to be that guy that would always be right by
Your side, but seems you found another person why
Why must have you inflected this pain that cry
And why must you make my life seem plain all inside

Sometimes I think I am going insane
With..all these words that do remain
But I keep on my way and try to maintain
My soul because tomorrow can hold a better day

When a new day commences
I can see the plot thicken
With all these things I wanted in my lonely vision
I try to stop, look and listen
And take it as I get it
But something runs over my mind and then I soon forget it
I wish we did not meet
I could have stayed in the streets
Cause I didn't need all these lies, deception and deceit
I didn't need those things you did to me
And I wish I didn't even talk or speak
I tried to be too sweet
But then you learned to treat
Me with no more love, and then retreat
Back to your lonely self
Leaving me by myself
Closing up a chapter and putting it back on the bookshelf
So dark like charcoal
You opened up a hellhole
Those flames, you can see the reflection in my eye hole
But I try not to let it burn in to deep
It's a new day and I will maintain my soul to keep

Sometimes I think I am going insane
With..all these words that do remain
But I keep on my way and try to maintain
My soul because tomorrow can hold a better day

I move on towards my way
Made my own pathway
So nowadays I don't even care what you got to say
I locked the doorway
The keys I threw-away
Now I am on the other side laughing it away
Everything is now so fine
Everything is good, I have been redesign
Now I can look outside and see the sunshine
Looking up at the skyline
I can feel the whole world, and they all do comply
As I go down the stairs
You can see I don't care
What you have to say anymore, you had your share
I need to tell you to beware
Cause I have been repaired
So no more Mr. Nice guy its time for you to say a little prayer
Change of attitude you might think I was cruel
But fuck, I even played by all the rules
Let you do what you had to do now I feel misused
So I'll maintain my soul for me and not you 

Nightmares

Lights turn off about to be put down your head
All alone wrapped up in your lonely bed
Closing your eyes not thinking what others have said
But those nightmare revival something, now you feel mislead

From day to day you wonder why you feel this way
Foreseeing visions, deja-vu comes and portray
Many things that carefully lay out your pathway
Leaving you to think about those sinister ways
Infatuated with the three 6's, you can hear the devil cry
Calling you out and asking you to reply
Trying to figure out asking who, what and why
Flames run thru your eyes, as you try to deny
The things that you have seen, can this be make-believe?
How can it seems the world is out to get me
The plan for my life was made when I was conceived
Someone please wake me up and come and save me
As I have no dreams, nightmares is all I see
All paranoid as it seems someone is following me
No one else see it so I take it was meant for me
All by myself in this world, I feel so lonely

Through the eyes of others

Through the eyes of others everything has a different meaning
Were one action can convey so much feeling
Determined to close wounds and start your own healing
And not to look back at other wrong misdealing
Learning to push off what others might see and say
As they don't know the real reason behind it like you may
Going thru it over and over again from Monday to Sunday
It seems that it starts all over as you live in replay
Formulating their own notations from what there eyes perceive
Putting you name in conversations, but acting all naive
Not knowing and trying to stop you from what you're trying achieve
While taking matters in their own hands as they live in make believe
From the other side of the room they look and laugh
But if they were closer they would be flabbergasted
Not knowing what really happen to you in the past
But through the eyes of another they see you feel like an outcast
Through the eyes of others so much pain can be felt
Were the one you hold higher then any other doesn't know what was dealt
Finding yourself dazed and glazing into there eyes
Saying " I wish she/he was here to be all mines"
But knowing what you want will never happen in your lifetime
Being all alone making you fear the nighttime
Trying to find a way but in the meantime
You find someone else that can feel your heart cry
Through the eyes of others friendship can be born
Their care can be worn
Their trust can make you reborn
As they have always sworn
Not to break your heart or leave it torn
Through the eyes of others you can live some more

Hostage

Now I'm back for my mission
My mind is now paying attention
I have been thru many wars, but its time to learn to forget it
I'm trying to be a Christian
But many things complicate my vision
Intricate views, perplexed living
Debating if I'm-wrong or right,
Cause it seems when something is going good, it seems that it is all a
vivid play write
So i stay in the dark and try to be all right
Get a pad and pen and write to the world about my life
Thru the trials and tribulations and everything that I fight
I keep on grinding and use my time to think in despite
Cause your bad times only come when it is dark at night
But when the sun comes up, you can restart your whole life
I will take it as it is
As the problems turn real big
This is what I go through, trying to seek revenge
For everything that was done wrong to me, I can see I'm not a kid
Cause young life was smooth and dandy, now I misdid
EVERYTHING, So god please forsake me for my sins
As I sit here contemplating, my world is doing spins
As I see many grins
From the places were i been
I provoke all doubters that i will not loose but i will win
So i pray to the gods, for all the things that was dealt
To instill strongly matters before i kill myself
Suicidal mind, vindictive war cries, I seen in time
But the facts remain, theses troublesome thoughts will all subside
So i surrender all to you to keep me going the right way
Pathways outlay many things to be portray
With no delays, its seems everything is now on display
I will keep on with my life and do what you say
So please relive this suffrage and guide me thru college
Open up my mind so I can receive some good knowledge
Cover me with your spirit to give me some more courage
To break away from all these shackles and not be a hostage
Cause I'm tired of being damage and treated as a hostage

Loneliness

As days go by you find yourself reliving the past
Were everything was find and dandy
Were you had a place you could place your head down
Were a one person was able to make you feel better about everything
Now what do you have?
NOTHING!
These days have you contemplating thoughts that you never though you could think of
Things that normal people would call crazy and insane
As you try to find yourself in the world you find out your not normal
You don't talk like other people
You don't walk like other people
You don't even think like other people
All your motions and persona makes you feel like an outcast
Not knowing were to turn to for confinement
Using drugs and takes away the pain you now feel
As you try to tell yourself that everything will be better soon
But how soon is soon?
You have been waiting days, weeks and even months for a change
But each day it seems you are getting worse
Of all the mind games and subliminal thoughts you dwell on
Were now a white room doesn't seem like a bad idea
Then in there you won't be able to hurt yourself any more
As going outside and seeing the light burns you so much
Were everyone is looking at you and making you self conscience
But what is there to do?
How can one get out of this lifestyle?
It seems the only way is the obvious
But you are to strong to try it
So you keep to yourself and try not to infect other people
As you lock yourself in your room and write what you know
Just so you can release all the anger and hurt you have inside
As you try to get thru each day by and by
Loneliness seems the only way I can live my life
As everything else seems so strife

Word Affiliated

World affiliated,
Living in the liquidation, of the body and soul
Insemination with the blood that keeps us a flow-
As we travel along our pathways
We make way, for all the anger and hated to be displayed
Many feel this way; it's a war with the mind
Something's need to be thought about and redefined
Cause we have no time,
No patience's left for all your cries,
We have to let it run by
Diminish the fact, that outweigh the fiction
Cause in soon time
Destruction of those facts turn into lies,
Betrayal, deception,and deceit,
The world makes you rub your eyes,
Is it really what we see?
Or is everything in front of us make believe
Now we greave
Vision impaired, as we try to retrieve
And withhold everything as we try to stand tall
Standing bold,Daemons flying all around us trying to make us fall
Provoking many unworldy actions,
leaving us dazed and confused, trying to remember what really happened
As we see the destractions
A detour in our choosen path,
leaves us threatened pardon me questions that remained unasked
Frozen in time,
as the hourglass trickles back to the past
We get second chance to change the forecast
Of emotions, that have brought so much commotion
of the heart, as we learned to drink slowly the potion
We learn how love can make people act all out landish
and how love can make people get up and vanish
Being associated with the world, leave youself always asking
What in the Hell really happened!